Hello Cyber fam.. *warning* this blog may be a taaaaad offensive in language, so if your eyes are sensitive,… then you know what to do….SO LETS JUST SAY, Im not in the best of moods, and I told myself earlier that I was going to try to stay in good spirits despite that my FUCKING EX husband’s debt is being garnished outta my paycheck every 2 weeks! Despite that hes a fucking idiot little boy cunt that wont man up to his responsibilities! Despite that hes an effin NUT CASE! DESPITE that I put UP WITH ALL OF HIS BULLSHYT!,.ALL OF IT! was the good wife!.WAS there for him from the very start! just to be left cold, and abandoned like a baby on a door step… except he didnt even leave no note! I have been patient! I’ve been OVERLY patient, , I PRAY AND PRAY to God to ask him to take this pain away, but nothing works! I still come up with the short end of the stick each and EVERY time!.I’m stuck in turmoil… . while he has it made in the shade!..I walk around like a zombie sometimes because I’m afraid to feel anything for anyone, and even tho I do feel things for a certain someone, I cant even express it because its like Ive some how mentally cut off my emotions… i mean they come out at times, but its never permanent…. something triggers the pain and BAM! I explode, and shut back down.. Its like I dont have control over my mind anymore…. but anyway nonetheless I HATE HIS GUTS! , I wish I can just rip out his guts, and then make him EAT his guts! I try not to use the word hate, but i think i honestly do… OOOOh and just when thats not already enough to deal with, My current relationship..OH this ones a Dusie… its BULLshyt after Bullshyt.. NO matter WHAT I say, Or what I do, Its NOT enuff.. I know I have my faults .. but daaaaaaaayum would it kill somebody to take the blame sometime, other than myself??.. or HEY.. how about just an “I’m Sorry for coming at you like that..” For the life of me, I try, but 4 what!? I’m soooooooooo tired of the hurt, the frustrations, the anger.. Im tired of being looked at as the bad person, the mean one, the controlling one, the B*tch… I just wish that someone understood me, and truly walked into my shoes, then maybe I wouldnt be viewed as such things.. but i guess this is how its going to be, since I cant even seem to get past all of this.. I’d rather be alone.. just ALL alone, because OBVIOUSLY relationships are not 4 me… All I’ve done is just waste time.. I dont even feel like I’ve made ANY progress….All in All, I just want the hurt to just Go away… and I want to smile again.. If anyone out there is reading.. you dont even have to comment.. just please pray 4 me… hey maybe God will hear your prayers better than my own….
Peace..
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